Episode 4

Ted said cheekily “Have you got my drink yet?, I have been waiting all week for it - I am gasping” Holly grinned and replied “Alright alright - keep your medallion on hee hee” She served his drink and continued “Why are you in here tonight? I see you have your note book out” Ted replied “I am here to do a report to see if darts is a macho game or not” “Oh right” replied Holly - not really knowing how to answer.

Shadow shouted “Can I have your dart teams over here please, and remember the rules, best of 3, start on 501, end on a double speaking of which - mines a double hee hee, the losing team will buy the winning team their drinks - I will leave you in the capable hands of Sam - he is your scorer tonight - over to you Sam” Sam said “Can I have 1 member of each team to the oche please, the member who throws nearest the bull will go first.

Then Laddy entered the pub and went to the bar and said to Bella “A pint of my usual please” Bella commented “You look tired” Laddy replied “Yes I am - I have just finished a two night vigil with the Most Haunted team” Bella said “Oooooh was it any good” Laddy replied “Yes it was - we got lots of knocks and banging……” Just then Jenny pushed her way through “Cooooeeee Laddy” Laddy thought to himself hmmm what is she after. Jenny said “Could I have a word with you please?”

Laddy paid for his pint and he and Jenny found a quiet corner - there was only one dog there that was Barney Tatlock he was grumbling “ Can’t a dog go anywhere for a quiet pint these days - and darts that’s a dangerous game - and can’t they play it quietly”. Jenny said to Laddy “Don’t worry about Barney he isn’t happy unless he is moaning” Laddy and Jenny sat down and Laddy said to Jenny “What can I do for you then?” Jenny said “Well - have you got Ebony and Minstrel with you…….” Laddy interrupted “My lovely angels are with me always” Jenny continued “Can you ask your angels to ask Fluffy what is the water thing with Shadow, Bella and Holly?” Laddy replied smiling “You won’t get anything out of them now - look at that table” Laddy was pointing at a table in the corner of the pub, with three gin and tonics on - the glasses were nearly empty - but so was the table empty. Laddy said to Jenny “See what I mean, Ebony, Minstrel and Fluffy were best friends way back, they are catching up” Jenny said “Awwwww how nice” as she went to the bar for another drink.

Then the pub door opened and Jess walked in and said “Have no fear the dogs from Ozzys cabs are here - we will help you win the darts - but first to the bar. Shadow said “What can I get you?” “Jess replied 4 pints and a Singapore slinger for me - Ozzy is paying and is Levi still doing her pedigree hotpots, my bacon buttie was freezing cold and half eaten by the time I got it”

Shadow replied “Hang on I’ll ask her - Levi have you got any hotpots left?” Levi came up to Shadow and said “Yes I have a couple left” Jess said “Please can I have one, Foxy will pay for it”

Then Shadow noticed the table which had the 3 gin and tonics and whispered Fluffy - is that you drinking the profits” Shadow then heard the till open and close, Shadow said to Jess with smile “We hear that all the time - but no-one ever puts any bonios in it - but we love her dearly” “Aww bless her” smiled Jess.

Lily and Jess who work for Ted were lined up to play darts, Lily commented “Look at Ted - doesn’t he look hot” Jess replied “I know - but we can’t let him know that we fancy him - because we don’t know which way - well you know” they both laughed.

There was a big cheer Floss was throwing her darts and she got two treble twenties, Ella said to Floss’s sister Molly “Your sister is throwing her darts good tonight” Molly replied “Yes I know - it must be all the post we deliver - makes our paws stronger, Floss has always been good at darts”

Floss threw her last dart, but the last dart was acting weird - it flew around the pub - Ozzy shouted “Duck everyone” the dart continued on it’s way, it did three loop the loops and landed very gently in a stunned Floss’s paw.

She threw it again and she hit treble twenty. Sam’s voice boomed “180”

Laddy chuckled “Fluffy, Ebony and Minstrel - behave yourselves” Sam said “The girls need 6 to win and the boys need 106” It was newly wed Desmond’s turn to throw his darts, he got two double twenties and a five. Sam said “85 scored, boys you have 21 left”

It was Tallulah’s turn, Sam said “Girls you require 6, this is for the match, boys are buying the drinks if you win” Tallulah stood on the oche, stared at the double 3 she needed to win - kissed her dart and she got it” the girls cheered, the boys looked gloomy, Sam said “Game and match to the girls, boys drinks are on you”

The boys got the girls their drinks then Shadow shouted “Can I have your attention please” everyone turned to look at Shadow who continued “May I introduce your football team in their new strips, the team came running out then everyone gasped Toggle and Button ran out in their underware, Ted wolf whistled them and said “When you said strip I didn’t think you meant literally hehe - is anymore coming off hehe”

Billy Barlow turned to Zahli and said “What is going on we are two uniforms short…………

………to be continued


  1. Hooray! The girls played a fab game of darts! Uh oh....2 missing uniforms...I am really good at my job, honestly!!! Well written episode again James & the photos tell the story to perfection.....well done Paul & Jacky!

  2. Excellent as usual, i look forward each week to reading Canine Hills, the amount of work all you guys put into taking the time to do this is very much appreciated. i used to play darts for a ladies team, and i say well done girls on your win. Thank you all. Polly xx

  3. Thank you for your kind comments. Much appreciated.

  4. This is so entertaining and so very clever. Well done to James, Jacky and Paul for all your hard work!

  5. We love canine hills - wel done James, the pictures are brillant Jacky and Paul.

  6. Great as always, can't wait fo next episode, whats Owen(Paddy wearing) woo! Hoo!