Episode 11

Canine Hills TV is experiencing technical difficulties at the moment, which means that we cannot bring you the video feed. We are doing what we can to sort these problems out, but this might take a while cos our chief cameradog is a bit tied up.

In the mean time, we are continuing with Episode 11 in sound and stills only.


“Thank goodness this episode has started, maybe those little buzzing machines will stop bugging us, no-one knows where they came from, or why they are here, it has been two weeks know, but they were edited out of previous episodes, that is why I cover my drinks, I don’t want to swallow one” grumbled Barney, covering his tankard. Jack agreed and said “I know what you mean, we even tried fly paper in the café, but they don’t stick to it” Jenny straighten her rollers and removed from her pocket a fly swatter and swish went the swatter “Damn - I missed it” muttered Jenny, Bally said “These little machines - what do they want - are they something to do with the phantom knicker nicker, are they spying on us to see who has the best knickers?” Molly Dingle shuddered and replied “Ooooh don’t say that - you will be saying next that the machines have x-ray and can see what undies we are wearing now” Ellie immediately put her handbag on her lap and said “No-one will see my frillies” Everyone laughed.

Zeea said “Don’t be silly - I managed to catch one, I looked inside and there was a tiny little dog in there - we put the machine on the bar and the little dog left his machine and was squeaking at us - we couldn’t understand what he was saying, so Holly grabbed a babel fish translator, the little dog was terrified and ran back to his machine and flew off”

Everyone listened with interest and Billy-b banged his gavel on the bar and shouted “Order order” as a little machine buzzed past his ear, “Can we get back to the meeting - what are we to do about the phantom knicker nicker?” Little Mo replied “I thought Mata Hari was on the case” Jenny twiddled her rollers nervously, Billy replied “Ok we try to assist Mata Hari best we can - providing we see her again - anyway we have been stuck in the pub for a week now - meeting adjourned”

Billy-b banged his gavel and everyone got up to leave and as they went outside Little Poppy was there dressed in her Miss Canine Hills 2008 sash handing out leaflets, Pippa took one and it read TONEYS EXTRAVAGANZA DAY, coming soon, there will be a carnival, so start work on your floats, so pick up your entry forms for this and for Canine Hills has got talent, prize is 1000 bonios, also Canine Hills beauty pageant, half of all proceeds to the old solider DT club.

Everyone was discussing what they could do, Bally said to Jack “How about a 1950s café float?” “Good idea” replied Jack. Shadow whispered to Bella and Holly “We could do a merdog float” Bella and Holly laughed. Michaela asked “Poppy - where do we get the entry forms?” Poppy replied “They will be printed in the Hills Gazette in the next couple of weeks, there will be a box to tick for the float, talent or pageant, you can enter as many as you like”

Owen said in a loud voice “Don’t forget we have a football match next week - a very important match - the qualifier for the DSF cup, against a tough team - the snappy dogs, I hope everyone attends, I have something else to tell you, as seargant Max is tied up with the knicker nicker case, he wanted me to introduce our new village PC - he will be overseeing the match - to keep you lot under control hee hee, so lets give him a special Canine Hills welcome - introducing PC Biggie Owen” everyone clapped and cheered as Pc Biggie made his way nervously to the front of the crowd, Lucy Brown nudged Tigs Battersby and Tara Butcher and said “Cor ain’t he handsome” Tigs and Tara agreed and began swooning. Hearing this Paco chirped up “I thought I was the only one to make you girls swoon hehe, I know what my talent could be, you put on some music and I take all my clothes off hehe” Tara blushed and fanning her self swooned “Is that a promise” they all laughed.

Everyone welcomed Pc Biggie who said “Lovely to meet you all, if you have any information regarding the knicker nicker, let me know and I will pass it on to Max.

Then Little Albert came running up panting “Auntie Lucy - I must speak to you” Lucy replied “What is the matter Albert?” Albert replied “When I try and sleep I keep hearing knocking noises, and last night I was playing my music I was singing to my favourite song, knock three times on the ceiling if you want me - twice on the pipe if the answer is no, well it did knock on the ceiling three times - oh Auntie Lucy I scared I am never going in my bedroom again”

Laddy who was standing behind Lucy listened with interest as did his guardian angels Ebony and Minstrel.

Canine Hills TV is now closing down for the day. Thank you for watching.


  1. I see the monster from Bally is in Canine Hills now hehehehehehe!!!!!!!!

  2. He gets around, doesn't he? I saw him in Brickies last night! Where will he turn up next?

  3. We Love it more and more each time.xxx Well done guys.xxx