Episode 5

“Phew” said Ted, “Thank goodness that week is over – I was getting all hot and bothered sat here with these half naked pups!!” “Pup!” exclaimed Button “I’m not a pup – I’m a full grown heterosexual dog who’s freezing in here! I thought I saw a brass monkey just now running past crying!

Why do they turn the heating off at the end of each episode? Lend us your coat Ted at least you’re fully dressed under that coat”. Toggle agreed and said that he would even share it with him, Ted laughed “Sure why not – that is one thing Id like to see the two of you cuddled up in my coat”

Meanwhile Billy was steaming; you could nearly see the steam coming out of his ears. “What’s going on, Zahli?” Zahli went white and exclaimed “I really don’t know, we did one for each and because we hadn’t got all the sizes we made a couple of extra large and an extra small as well. When we’d finished I did what you told me to do and Lucy & I took them over to the pub and Shadow told us to lock them in the room off the cellar.

The only other dog who had a key to that room was Oscar who helps out in the cellar”. “That’s right” replied Oscar “as cellar dog I have to use that room to store the empties in or the pups come and nick them to get the deposits back again I left the key hanging on a hook behind the bar and I haven’t go into that room this evening as it’s busy and normally I don’t go in until I’m bottling up the next morning”. He looked round the bar and said “Mind you the Dingles are standing very close to the hook!” Buster waddled up and said “What’s this – we haven’t touched – you can ask the rest of my family we haven’t moved all night except now, I must pop to the toilet isn’t that right Toney?” Toney chirped in “That’s right we’ve stood here supping Shadow’s fine ale all evening and if Buster didn’t drink an extra pint he wouldn’t have to move now”

Then Barney tottered up to the bar tutting away, “I don’t know what the young are up to now, in my day singlets weren’t allowed – let alone UNDERWEAR! If you call that little bit of cloth under wear not like the good old long johns we used to wear. I certainly didn’t win the war for this to happen. Can’t they go and put some clothes on it’s positively indecent isn’t it Dottie?”
Poor Dottie went red and nodded, she was really embarrassed.

“That’s it!” said Shadow “I’ve had enough of this, it’s my pub and stuff’s gone missing. I’m calling a friend of mine Sgt Max and ask him to investigate” that saying she marched to the phone as the handset was lifted and passed to her by Fluffy who was giving off an annoyed vibration. The pub went silent as she dialled the number and they heard her tell Sgt Max what had happened.

Barney still hadn’t got his refill and banged his glass on the bar, “Never mind the Police, what’s criminal here is that I’ve had to wait to be served, next time I’ll go to the DT Club where they respect an old soldier and look after him”. Bella rushed up “Sorry Barney I’ll fill you up now and it will be on me”. “Humph – that’s more like it” said Barney as he picked up his glass and walking stick, rattling his medals as he went back to his seat.

Slowly the dogs started talking again and general conversation was replaced by who dunnits and remembering things that had gone missing in the past. Jenny who had stood by quietly listening to all the goings on reminded Shadow of the last time that Sgt Max, or PC Max as was then had been called in to investigate the phantom knicker nicker, “Do you remember, Shad, he didn’t find that one lets hope he has better luck this time, don’t you, Buddy?” “Certainly do, as coach of the team I can’t have two players on the field without a kit, you can imagine what Ted, will put in his paper and we’ll get all the wrong type of publicity heehee!” Dinky Morton looked at his mate Frankie Platt and they both nodded, “We’ve got quite a good team together and we want to be known as a good football team, not as a strip show”

“That’s all very well, but I’m still freezing” said Toggle “Button and we need to find our proper clothes – if they haven’t gone as well and get home – Ted over there keeps giving me the eye and we’re still sharing his coat!” Shadow waved them through and they re-emerged fully dressed and gave Ted his coat back. “Thanks Ted, at least you helped us” said Button. “Now we’re going to ask Ozzy if he’s still sober enough to take us home in his taxi”.“Course I am mate, you don’t think that I’m going to lose business over a few pints, half of this lot will need taking home tonight by the look of things” he burped, “Cor coke don’t half give you wind”

Ozzy took them back to Home Farm and commented, “with business picking up the way it is I might be able to buy a better house soon, but not as grand as yours, I’d need a whole fleet of cabs going all the time for that. Not just the three cabs with five drivers doing shifts and then not doing much half the time”

Toggle and Button didn’t answer, they’d heard it all before and, paying four bonios and three bakers with two more for a tip, they headed indoors. Just as they opened the door the phone rang;

it was Shadow “Hi Boys, you should have hung around a bit longer because Sgt Max needs to interview you. He’ll come to home farm at 10 tomorrow morning.”......................................................................................


  1. What a great episode! Rose laughed her head off at the antics & absolutely adored the pictures....especially Zahli's face turning white because of the steam oozing from Billy. Thanks James, Lisa, Jacky & Paul for all your wonderful efforts. xx

  2. Hahahaha brilliant absolutely brilliant, i loved that brass monkey and the toilet signs, never fails to make me laugh,Jacky, Paul, lisa and James, thank you, you guys are just great. Polly xxxxxxxxxx